The first time your child meets a person or another child with a disability, the encounter will trigger many questions. It might not be very comfortable for the parent, who is now with little knowledge stuck to answer some very uncomfortable questions. As a mom to two children, one with a severe disability and another, a typical one-and-a-half-year-old, let me help you navigate this.
So how do you act? What do you tell your child if you met a person with a disability?
First of all, younger children typically do not notice a difference and can play together naturally, accommodating the other child. I saw such behavior between my two sons and children of friends with whom we had playdates. Elias, our typical son, doesn't even comprehend that there is "something wrong" with Yaro, our toddler with a disability. But brings toys over to Yaro, feeds him his treats, and gives kisses.
Starting at about age 5, older children begin to notice a difference between themselves and a person with a disability. That's when questions arise. In reality, these questions are very typical, as kids keep learning about the world around them, and it's usually the adult who gets scared for lack of ability to answer these questions.
When kids ask questions, like "What's wrong with this boy?" it's usually in the context of how I can play with this differently looking child and how? Is it safe? And the answer should always be straightforward and to the point. Avoid using generalizations of " the child is sick." But describe the situation.
Your answer, for example, could be, "Yes the boy is in the wheelchair, because his legs might not work. But we can ask permission to take him on a walk in the wheelchair, or if he would like to throw ball."
Where does Disability Come from?
An innocent question from an observing child. Please remember to keep emotions out of the conversation, a complicated piece of advice for adults to follow. But if you as an authoritative figure to your child saying that someone's Disability is "sad" or "tragic" or is an "illness," it will trigger a response of pity or fear to get the "illness" from your child.
Some babies are just born with a Disability.
Be prepared to be bombarded with the questions to follow: "Why was he born like that?"
The answer could be backed by your belief, either a science explanation like "when he was in mommy's time, his legs/muscles/brain didn't develop like ours," or you can give a spiritual explanation.
Some kids get hurt and lose some of their previous abilities.
"How can that happen?" If, for example, a child fell and really hit their head, it created an extensive trauma in their brain. Since our brains are central computers responsible for everything, the fall has broken the connection between their brain and their legs. So now the boy can't walk but uses a wheelchair instead.
People with Disabilities Use Adaptive Equipment
People with disabilities use equipment such as crutches, wheelchairs, and walkers to assist them in everyday life. They can be explained as equipment that substitutes legs and allows a person with a disability to move around independently, just like everyone around.
Service animals serve a similar function of assistance to people with disabilities. So it's important not to pet and distract dogs from their essential job.
You can also explain that there are designated parking spaces with extra space to load/unload a wheelchair safely. These spots are marked with a unique sign, and without permission from the city, no one else can park there. Otherwise, it might create a situation where a person in a wheelchair cannot unload from the car and thus visit the place they came to.
So when you hear a mortifying question of "what's wrong with that boy?" from your child, don't be embarrassed. But take this opportunity to explain that although a child appears to have difficulty walking or talking, there is nothing "wrong" with them. They are just different.
Occasionally, the child with a disability can be overwhelmed with sensory input of lights, smells, sounds, etc., impacting their ability to control behavior. Thus you might see some kids screaming, crying, and steaming in public. That's ok. They are always supervised by their caregiver, who knows how to respond to their child. If your child is located nearby and wants to help, teach them to ask first, "Is there anything I can help you with?" before springing into trying to console a child, which potentially might make a situation worse.
You, as a parent, can explain to your child what's going on, offer them consolidation if needed and take them away (if required).
I hope we demonstrated that a physical disability doesn't mean that there is a cognitive disability. This distinction is essential because if someone's body might not work, or their ability to talk is impaired, it doesn't mean this child cannot understand.
The more we as a society interact and integrate people with disabilities into everyday life, the less worrying about what to do and how to act. Typical kids will see people with disabilities as a part of the diverse society we live in.
In the end, the best way you can teach your child acceptance is by modeling acceptance and inclusion by reaching out with kindness and respect to people with disabilities. Say hello to kids with disabilities at malls, playgrounds, and on the street. Or arrange playdates with neighbor kids or classmates to help kids see similarities between each other.
You can also join team Soybean by purchasing our "All brains are beautiful" t-shirt from our Shop. Use discount code "Choose Inclusion" for 30% off.
Thank you for learning more about acceptance and choosing inclusion.
Love,
Soybean and Co.
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